JACK’S SONG
This is Jack, and when I met him on the train to Sydney he was hitting the age of 90 and heading off to perform in an annual folk festival up north. When he was only 21, he contracted a fatal illness and nearly died. Here he is, singing a song about how he found ‘the cure’. Its clearly worked, this guy has the energy of an human dynamo. The trick is to eat only whole foods, make your own bread and stay well away from polished white rice and any processed products…with a little bit of God-faith thrown in.
This is only one of the songs he sang to me, one of them was a love dedication to Princess Diana.
BLACK & WHITE
Concept: John-Paul Hussey
Performance by John-Paul Hussey with Daniel Mounsey in 2011. It’s a parody of sorts about the cosmetics industry and a play on the colours of black and white and how they merge with the environment. There’s other subtexts here of course.
We changed into our costumes in an alley way and walked through the cosmetic departments of Myer and David Jones, in the Bourke Street Mall in Melbourne, and behaved like anyone else interested in a free make-over.
The assistants were friendly and helpful, management were not. But they weren’t too sure what to with us since we were behaving just like any other potential customer. So could do nothing in the end.
Shane Grant followed us around and took pictures. The GP loved it and the next time we do it, hopefully we’ll have more of an audience taking pictures.
Pic of us in the Christian Dior VIP booth by Lizzil Gay.
TRAIN SWING
Concept: Shane Grant. Assistant: John-Paul Hussey
A friend of mine, Shane Grant rang me up one morning and asked if I might be interested in installing some makeshift swings in a few trains. Absolutely, who wouldn’t?
That day we hooked up at Kensington Station on the Craigieburn Line in Melbourne. In Shane’s bag were 4 bits of plank, some rope and a bunch of clips.
The plan was to install a number of temporary swings on 4 trains on Melbourne’s Met system and then invite the general public to have a bit of a swing. We left the swing there, once we were done, and then went off to the next train line to install another. (July, 2010)
ROBOTIC PANTS
This was taken on my iphone heading up one of the narrow streets of Collingwood towards Smith Street. There was a time when this area would have been full of well dressed European gentlemen like the one here. Now its full of well heeled hipsters and few artists, who can only just afford the rent. (2009)
HOBBITS & ELVES
By John-Paul Hussey
This is a psychological profiling system I have developed over the past few years. It describes how people can be divided up into 8 different personality types. At the moment I’m writing a fully developed version of this system as a book with supporting images & illustrations. This is a speech that breaks it down into a very abridged form.
“Now as I was saying Barry, I was in the Gatwick airport book shop just before Christmas and I come across this self help book.
Yeah, self help book; the little dinky ones close to register. The ones that give you a better understanding of your sexual partner – them ones. This psychiatrist bloke says you can split the human personality into three basic sections. What was I doing at Gatwick? I told you, I was organising them giant festival inflatables for that gig in Barcelona. It was a fucking nightmare.
Now the first section of this bloke’s book asks this simple question, is you ‘full on’ or is you ‘intense’? Well, I’m full on. Full on! Your Madge? She’s full on, but Ian at work? Well Ian’s intense, isn’t he..?
Now the second section is based on a principle the universe is split into two basic creative outlets, the ‘Dionysian’ outlet and the ‘Apollonian’ outlet.
You know Apollo, nice, neat, prissed up and full of honour, like the moon in a deep Russian winter. Apollo! Symmetrical, geometrical, monochromatic, good clean lines, inverted-perverted, all stripped back, a little bit Euclidean.
My! What a tidy little sphincter you have said the slobbering troll to the pixie, mind if I plunder it. Now, that’s Dionysus. He’s messy; loves it, big shapes lovely, spontaneous, nice bright bold colours.”-
Dionysus! Gorgeous redheads in summery frocks leaping over bonfires without any knickers on. Yeah, King Charles I straddling an horny, multi-coloured Shetland pony.
Anyways these two fundamental expressions, the Dionysian outlet and the Apollonian outlet, have been reinvigorating themselves like fucking time lords throughout history, and are currently manifesting through the two major fashion houses of today – Armani and Versace.
Armani being the Apollonian outlet and Versace the Dionysian outlet. Gianni Versace mind and not that impostor Donatella who has indeed painted Gianni’s gold and red filigree entirely black. Mr. Michael Jagger was right and he’s totally Versace. I’m mean what a fucking cow, go and get your own fucking label!
But you my little mate with your trim little black hoodie, tight pants, pointy flat footwear, that all in one jumpsuit of elegant misery. Well, it makes you fucking Armani, doesn’t it? Me on the other hand with my flashing red scarf, and marvelously clashing jacké, again – Versace, like totally.
Now the third section is like the previous. It is split. Asking this question, is you…an ‘hobbit’ or is you an ‘Elf’. ‘Hobbit’, ‘Elf’? Pretty basic yeah, but can be deceiving. Now answer this simple question. What dish if it was your very last dish of your life, which one would it be? A, a plate of lasagne with a heady glass of claret or B, a grilled piece of fish avec vegetblés and a very nice gin and tonic?
Lasagne? I knew it. You is an hobbit. While myself would go for grilled fish and the gin and tonic. Hobbit. Elf. Elf. Hobbit. Yeah I know Barry this book was fucking amazing. So, yeah absolutely your Madge is an elf, a Full On Versace Elf and Ian? Well, Ian’s an intense Armani hobbit.”
John-Paul Hussey © 2008
BIG BROWN BRIAN
(I found this big bear at a festival and placed it under a flame thrower and filmed it)
THE TAO
A speech from my one man show HUGE, that premiered during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2010.
“How are all of you? Everyone in a fairly good mood I hope. No one brought any unnecessary emotional baggage and expect me to solve all their problems. Good.
Now while we wait for a certain bloke to turn up for his training session I would like discuss the title of this show? Huge. Fuckin Huge! Right. But to do this I am first of all obliged to present you with an image. But before we discuss this image I would like to say I’m extremely wary to. Why?
Because this image and the idea of it have been a little too bandied about by all those New Age Hippy nitwits and all those other punters who couldn’t get tickets to the Rainbow Serpent Festival this year.
‘Like you know, it’s balance dude.’
Yes, yes I appreciate that Mr Asrtaal Rainbow mate.” I do some extra work as security for music festivals, “but what exactly do you mean by ‘balance dude’?
Because Ladies and Gentlemen this is an image that has appeared on far too many tattoos on far too may backs, legs, arms, ankles and general groin areas on far too many hipster new age chicks and guys who wish to get intimate with those hipster new age chicks.
Because it has appeared onto far too many New Age book covers, on far too many organic food products and on far too many stickers on far too many snotty nosed teenagers’ laptops to such a point of fucking nausea it has tragically lost its meaning and potency.
Tragic init?
I am extremely nervous that once this image manifests a giant wormhole will appear before us and both you punters and myself will be sucked through it and we will all reappear in another time and place that looks exactly the same as this joint only there will be 63 people in the ring all doing separate training routines and I will be the only bloke out there watching. Are we prepared for that? We ready that?
(Pulls out a towel with the Tao on it.)
The Tao. Nice one. Lovely. No wormhole. No interstellar time travel. No broken heads and bones. Lucky. OK. The yin, the yang: the male and the female, The Tao. The Tao, the word, loosely translates as the path, the way or the route. It is also known as ‘the nameless’ or the 10,000 things because it encapsulates the Universe yet is beyond it.
In a nutshell because you cannot put it in a nutshell, it cannot be adequately described in words. The first two lines of The Tao Te Ching, the slim volume of which the concept comes from says. ‘That which is the Tao is not the Tao’.
So, you can be it, understand it and harness its power, but you cannot hold onto to it or put in a box and take out and use it like electricity at your own casual leisure. No, coz If you try to dominate it and control it will slip through your fingers like water.
It is also from China and it is thousands of years old, but strangely enough if you ask the average Chinese, none of them have heard of it. Communism did that and even now, since everything is made in China these days, them Chinese still don’t know of the Tao or the Tao Te Ching.
You can blame Capitalism for that. But if you ask them about The Dow Jones, The Global Financial Index, Oh yeah, yeah we know that. Don’t it make the world go round
Fuckin’ tragic init?
Now the reason why I like to wrestle with this symbol is because of its simplicity and universality and that it tends to transcend the dogmatism of religion. The usual.
The Christian cross is pretty simple too, but it does look a little like an economist’s flow chart. Where really the only choices on offer, for the mind to go, is either up or down or left or right. Even if you were to 3D the cross enabling the mind to now to go backwards, forwards, as well as up, down and left or right its still only feels like the option buttons in a typical shoot-em up video game.
It’s limiting. Well, it’s crap actually.
There’s also the problem of having a naked man nailed to it. Oh dear. Now who ever came up with that as an idea to inspire millions for two thousand years is either a marketing genius or the world is indeed perverse and incredibly stupid.
Ok, everyone here? Peter? Paul? Luke you’re late. Peter darling can you get Luke a rock to sit on. Now Melathius has chalked up a number of options for us to consider. Ok Jesus curing a leper is out. Jesus casting the demons into a heard of pigs is out. Jesus turning water into wine is out.
So all we have left to sell Christianity is the crucifixion. Its strong, its climatic, I like it. Right, there’s the cross. Good. Nice. You can put it on a wall and hold it comfortably in your hand and it fits nicely in your bag. Love it.
Melathius can you now please chalk up all the different options for that. Metal cross, too cold; stone cross too heavy. What else have we got? Wood? Well it is wood. Fantastic! I like wood: its organic, its real, it’s natural. Now, big one, Jesus our Saviour on the cross? On it or off it? Keep it clean, keep simple? I’m hearing you. On it? Peter & Paul like the nailed idea? C’mon, nailed or bound? Nailed? Come on people?! Nailed it is.
Ok, big one again, clothed or naked? My, it’s cold in this cave. Can someone please get some heating in here pronto! Lets have look with him naked. And clothes back on. Hmm, and again? I do like him naked. Too much? Ok let’s compromise and give him a loincloth. Oh that does look strong. Nice, very nice. A little bit blood here and here, thinner there, more gaunt here and of course Melathius brilliant idea which he came up with last meeting: the crown of thorns.
Fine. Love it! A naked bearded man in a loincloth nailed to a wooden cross. Melathius, chalk it all up. I want 5000 of these babies up and ready to go by the end of the financial quarter!
Now back to The Tao.
Right. Principally tonight all we be needing to deal with here is the difference between the black and the white or the yin and yang, the opposites that both wrestle with other and are in harmony with each other. The shadow and the light, the day and the night as well all of its other countless cultural manifestations.
And that the black dot in the white part and the white dot in the black part suggests there is movement as well as it being three dimensional, like a huge ball or planet rotating. The white moving into the back and black being subsumed by the white constantly wrestling with each other round and round it goes ad infantum.
A very good example of the manifestation of the black and the white wrestling with each other in harmony are those enormous emperor penguins who over thousands of years come up with a system of surviving the cruellest climate in the world. Those huge black and white birds huddle together in a concentric circle and rotate very slowly without stopping. Everyone has chance to be in the warm centre and everyone has to their time out of the periphery of the circle to buffer against the wind to keep those in centre all cozy, snug and warm.
Oh fuck this cold really cold! Oh now it getting warmer, warmer. Damn this perfect!
But what are those hipster chicks thinking by tattooing it on the small of their backs. Hey? What’s a guy to do when he is attending to the great work, the act of love in a two man tent at some noisy music festival and all he can focus on is this!?
(Fucking from behind)
Yeah, yeah ‘The tao’, the yin and the yang! This is hot…not
You’d think the words, ‘I love u’ or ‘you’re great’ or ‘keep going darlin’ or ‘you’re nearly there’ would be a little more practical. Better than those generic lily tattoos that curl out like this I suppose. You know the ones that are suggestive of an other worldly vagina or look like bicycle handle bars from the long lost world of elves and fairies
Yeah, yeah awesome, I’m a big fairy! Oh I’m so fucked up! Ok, just keep going! I’m a hot fairy riding a hot fairy bike to super sexy hot fairy land!”
John-Paul Hussey © 2010
SPACEMUNKI
